Last night Mercy and I did a big photo shoot. It’s sort of a year-anniversary thing…a while ago we got dressed up but we didn’t go out dancing. I think it was raining too hard, or we got the day of the week wrong for the party. So we took a bunch of really awesome pictures of each other. It was a great save to a wasted evening.

So last night I got some awesome pictures of Mercy (she’ll do pictures of me in a week or so.) We got an incredible number of great pics of her, but her new webserver’s misconfigured, so she can’t quite show off just yet. Keep an eye out… After going out for dinner, we just didn’t feel like dancing, so we come home, watched “Lolita” and had a great time anyway. It’s so nice to salvage a potentially crappy evening with movies and picture-taking.

I decided that I’ll miss the ability to speak on the subway in English and presume that 95% of the rest of the people there can’t understand me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and where things are going. I have realized that the strength I have lost in Japan, whether it was from dependency, losing the Spike job, not speaking the language, or just my own psycho-trauma, was and is my strongest defining characteristic. I’ve been through a lot of things in my life, a lot of relationships, a lot of pain — and I grew from each one until, sometime last year, my head spun round and stuck on backwards.

It’s in no small part because of Mercy’s constant reminder to me to be constant and secure in myself before being secure in others that convinced me to really search my soul. While it has not been an easy struggle back up, I am proud of how far I have come already. I also know I’ll never really be “done” — but I can already feel the old Joan is nearly back. watch out!

(In fact, I was already hit on once last night while in the video store alone picking up stuff. Nice US Navy guy from Atsugi, but I’m in a good relationship, thanks. :)

Good morning! Actually been up since 8:30 and I’m feelin’ good. Another hot day it seems, but I’m enjoying the ride and the view. Spending the morning lying around the house talkin’ wit da girl is a great way to spend the day. BUT THE FUCKING ADSL IS BROKEN and we have to dial in, which is paid for by the minute in Japan. ARRGH!

Does anyone else remmeber the old Bell Telephone commercial’s jingle? “Reach out…reach out and touch someone!” Yeah? Well, REACH! REACH OUT TO ME! ME AND MERCY! WE NEED OUR FIX! :P

ObligatoryThingIWillMissfromTokyoToday: ONIGIRI. Man, everyone says it, and perhaps food is the thing I will miss the most, but what better healthy snack food/breakfast is there than a triangular ball of rice, a small piece of seaweed and stuffing like mayo-tuna, salmon, and egg (all in different onigiri of course)?

Yay, we went out for Friday night. Dinner & a movie. Dinner at a really cool modern building where the lighting changes regularly (clean, smoke-free izakaya, why aren’t the ALL like this?) and “Total Fears” (The Sum Of All Fears).

Tom Clancy’s stuff gets a bit too involved to be worth delving into the details, but that movie helped me put my life into perspective. Sometimes the crap that happens to you is miniscule compared to the rest of the stuff that’s going on. But it’s just a movie, so who cares? It was a good ride, and I was on the end of my street.

ObThingIWillMiss: “Richard Clayderman.” No, not the piano player himself. There’s this picture of him sitting at a digital piano (Yamaha?) at the Shinjuku station. It’s also lined right up with where you need to get on the train so you’re right at the stairs when you get to Nakano (where we live.) Mercy and I both really can’t stand the guy’s music, but it’s a friendly landmark I’ll miss just the same.

Oh, and I revealed a wonderful surprise for Mercy. But she’ll have to tell you what it is herself. :)

There’s this cool global sculpture that someone’s created. (Flash 6 needed.) Sign up (free, no spam, promised) and print out your little sculpture. Answer questions and the sculpture grows. It’s pretty nifty of an idea. I wonder if my little pyramid will grow into something more complex…

DANCING THIS WEEKEND! I can’t wait! Woo woo! Might be the last lesbian dance we go to in Japan. Even though they’re closeted beyond belief and the dances are sometimes lame, I’ll miss the “safe” feeling of going to these things. If they only had some sexier, cuter women who weren’t quite so desperate!

If it wasn’t for the fucking typhoon that’s on its way…I think I’m going home early.

Well, it took forever to sort through them and get them looking just right, but our Italy 2002 Trip pictures are finally online and fully accessible. You can just look at pictures of the scenery, me, Mercy, or us together, so it’s easy to jump to exactly what ya want to see. Oh, and you can post comments there too! :)

“I want to go to the Isabella Stewart Gardner museum this weekend,” I said, putting my checkbook down, half-balanced as usual. “I’ve never been, but on the radio this morning they were talking about it, and it sounded really cool. This batty old lady had an art fetish, and built a house to put it all in. Except she had too much for the house, and every surface is covered with paintings and sculptures. Supposed to be really beautiful, in a weird sorta way.”

He grunted, not even looking away from his computer monitor. I couldn’t even tell what he was doing — was it a video game? A chat screen? Or just a control panel, tweaking arcane settings that for all I knew altered the world’s weather patterns…. “Whatever,” he quipped. I knew he didn’t want to go. But I couldn’t take the uncertainty any longer. I had to know more.

“Don’t you ever want to do anything with your life that isn’t all about computers? You go to work, and work on one all day. You come home, and you get right back onto one. Or you play video games. Or you want to go to some action movie.” I really started to get into it, pacing and waving my arms like a madwoman on speed. “What happened to art? To poetry? Haven’t you ever wanted to better yourself, to learn something new, that isn’t technical in nature? What about music? I bought you that trombone and you’ve barely touched it, maybe 5 times total.” I held my arm out, suspended like a marionette, fearing the response I would get.

“No. I’m happy doing what I’m doing. I don’t want to explore new things. I’m satisfied in life. You go do what you want. I’ll be right over here.” He didn’t even look away from his computer screen. Or maybe he did, but I just can’t imagine it. Even now, the image of the back of his curly head, the back of a tie-dyed or white T-shirt, and the small swivel chair is easier to remember than his face.

I stuttered, unable to express the many emotions I felt right then. I wanted to convince him to not give up, to keep striving to learn new things. I wanted to run away, disappointed that relationship hadn’t turned out to be what I was looking for. I wanted to cry, to shout, to scream, to run around…and in the end I just said “OK. I understand.” I picked up the checkbook to finish balancing its slippery numbers. They slid off my fingers, into a calculator, and fell out onto the checkbook in a pile of black squiggles.

My web pages have finally been updated. Should be easier on the eyes and ears now. Sorry for the delay folks.

Woo woo! Half a bottle of 1997 Bordeaux later, and I’m feeling no pain. :P

I can’t wait for tonight! I’m making world-famous New Orleans cooking, just like I used to get at Ralph & Kacoo’s.

The main course is going to be deep-fried Japanese fish that looks an awful lot like catfish — something the locals consider inedible — and hush puppies. No, they’re not shoes, they’re balls of delicious corn meal, milk, egg and a bit of onion deep fried alongside the fish. They’re just a bit sweet, and 100% divine. about.com has a recipe close to what I’m making tonight, though I use yellow corn meal and regular milk. Oh, and regular corn meal — no need for this self-rising stuff. :) Actually, this one might be a closer recipe. Yay Justin Wilson!

And there’s no Zatarain’s Fish Fri here, so I’ll make do with regular batter and adding a bunch of zesty spices. Woo wee! :)

I gotta start turning off Trillian when I don’t want to talk to people.
And who does this guy think the NSA is anyway?

------------------------------------------------
Start of owlhoot2000 buffer: Wed Aug 07 16:29:30 2002
[16:13] owlhoot2000: hi how are u
[16:13] joantouzet: ?
[16:13] owlhoot2000: just saying hi
[16:13] joantouzet: hi
[16:13] owlhoot2000: 32 m australia
[16:14] owlhoot2000: seen u in bbw club
[16:14] joantouzet: bbw?
[16:14] owlhoot2000: big beautiful woman
[16:14] owlhoot2000: u are a member
[16:14] joantouzet: I'm afraid you must be mistaken.  
[16:15] joantouzet: I'm not a member of any such organization.
[16:16] owlhoot2000: maybe playing up but says u are in it
[16:16] joantouzet: Can you give me a link?
[16:17] owlhoot2000: is in yahoo groups
[16:17] owlhoot2000: interests
[16:18] joantouzet: I only see 5 groups I have in yahoo groups,
none of which are that.  you don't have a URL where it says that?
[16:19] owlhoot2000: its very long with heaps of numbers
[16:19] joantouzet: that's ok, just paste it
[16:23] joantouzet: wait a second, don't I know you?
[16:23] owlhoot2000: if u go to the profile ofcurvylady_uk and
click on her interest
[16:24] owlhoot2000: then search down the bottom for online
female 25 35 u will find it
[16:25] joantouzet: oh, that just means I'm 25-35 and online.  I'm
not part of the bbw group.  but aren't you part of the MLP group?
[16:25] owlhoot2000: whats that
[16:25] owlhoot2000: mlp
[16:25] joantouzet: Men with Little Penises
[16:25] owlhoot2000: yes
[16:26] owlhoot2000: how did u no
[16:26] joantouzet: I read it in your profile.  
[16:26] joantouzet: Not just from Yahoo, but from this here NSA file.
[16:26] owlhoot2000: great group
[16:26] owlhoot2000: nsa
End of owlhoot2000 buffer: Wed Aug 07 16:29:30 2002

It took us long enough to find it, but…

Last year my gf and I marched in the Tokyo Gay & Lesbian Parade. Just before we started, this girl at a booth asked the two of us if we wouldn’t mind being profiled in an upcoming issue of Anise, a Japanese lesbian magazine. We were pretty excited, so we said sure.

Just a few days ago we found the magazine (already a newer issue had come out) in Shinjuku 2-chome, the GBLT hangout in Tokyo. We bought it for fun, and lo and behold, there we are just a few pages in.

For those of you who want your own copy, it’s the winter 2002 issue, with “Girl meets girl” on the cover, the two girls lying on the ground with the rainbow cloth next to them. I’ll try and get a scan soon. We’re famous! :)

(And yes, that’s us on the TGLP 2002 webpage too. 10th picture down. Holding up the banner in the background.)