I constantly embrace change, even when it hurts. But it’s the change I thrive on, the dynamic that keeps me going, the spice in my existence. I know it makes me hard to approach sometimes; the question seems to be “Who am I getting today?” for many of you. The only advice I can give is for you to understand that the best way to approach me is gently, caringly, slowly and lovingly, regardless of how long you’ve known me or in what capacity. Approached this way, I will invariably respond to you in kind. And isn’t that a great place to start?
I also respond very, very well to explicit communication, especially via the written word, so email is always welcome. I read and answer every personal email I receive, even if it takes me a few days!
Sometimes people don’t listen to what you say; sometimes, they can’t hear you. And sometimes I’m not listening, or I can’t hear. But I’ve learned how to detect those situations, and (typically) wait for better conditions before communicating on my own speculations. Intuition may be the most powerful cognitive process we possess as humans, but it is prone to fail in spectacularly debilitating ways, especially in those of us who have experienced severe trauma.
If I ever seem standoffish, please, assume it’s me — that I just need additional time to cogitate, to evaluate, and finally to articulate. Get my attention, let me know you want to chat, and I’ll give of myself when I am ready. As I change, I become better at responding more rapidly. I will not act in untoward ways; instead, I move more slowly and deliberately, feeling each step under my bare foot before transferring my weight to it.
As I get older, I realize that the truest moments in my life have been when I have acted without expectation and with full disclosure. These are the moments of pure love, and any of you with whom I have interacted beyond a friendly “Hello” have received my love in this very way. *warm smile*
I look around for my constantly-changing family, and I realize once again that you’re all out there, on LJ, on IRC, over the phone, sometimes within reach of the Toronto mass transit, but always reachable via email or paper letter. Some of you have left — bon voyage, and good luck on your paths; I hope we meet again someday. Some of you are just arriving — welcome, take off your shoes, have a homemade praline & stay a while! My metaphorical door, as always, is wide open.