So on Saturday night in Boston, I went to the infamous Mary Chung’s on Mass. Ave. in Cambridge’s Central Square. It’s more of a tradition than because of the food quality (though I used to love the velvet chicken and the pan-fried raviolis). But there is one dish there that I like so much that I decided I’d drop my vegetarian mantle for it — after not having eaten real meat in almost 18 months, and even then only sporadically.
It’s Mary Chung’s Famous “Swan La Shau Chow.” 4 pork wontons covered in the spiciest of soy sauce-based broths, poured over a bed of sprouts to help you eat every last bit of that delicious sauce. It’s more filling than you realize, and it’s an absolute delight from the instant your throat starts to burn with firey goodness. But that wonderful feeling was soon to be replaced with the most intense of pain.
So this time, I gingerly ate 3 1/2 of the 4 pork dumplings in the Swan, enjoyed the feeling in my tummy, and…waited. And things started backing up, as expected. I became the Roach Motel of humans: four large meals checked in, but none checked out. I gained 3 – 4 kilos or so. And got into a lot of discomfort.
This morning, I awoke to some severe, sharp pain in my … anus. (sorry this isn’t going to be pretty!) With some, ahem, great difficulty, I finally managed to poop out what only could have been the remains of 3 1/2 pork dumplings. And it was excruciatingly difficult, as if I was giving birth.
I think I learned my lesson. No more meat. I just can’t handle it. Not even for Mary Chung’s.