Abstract question:

Say you’re in a long-term, committed relationship with someone. Your partner decides to flirt with someone else. At what point does that flirting go over the line?

(And before you ask, no, I’m not asking because of something that happened. Just curious where you are on the issue!)

17 thoughts on “Abstract question:

  1. You planning on flirting??? It goes over the line when I say it goes over the line! ;p

    Seriously, I guess it goes over the line when it’s obvious it’s gone over the line, ie someone in a commited relationship goes and kisses or fucks or grinds with someone else without their SO’s permission. Who knows. I guess it’s something every couple should discuss beforehand.

  2. uNF uNF :)

    I was just curious where people draw that line. of course it’s different for every person! :)

    I’d say that fucking is usually over the line, though. Kissing is right in the middle of that grey area. The rest of you out there — would you let your flirtatious lover kiss someone else?

  3. Define flirting. Is it just someone having a little fun, or are there serious intentions behind it? The moment it seems like there are serious intentions, then it’s over the line.

  4. Platonic kisses, yes. Sexual kisses, as long as you’re participating and it’s turned into a 3some. :) But romantic kisses, no way.

    However, I’m of the opinion that I don’t “let” someone do anything. If she does it, she does it. I’ll whine and complain and get mad, but I’m not going to forbid her from doing anything. If it turns into a problem, then I guess it’s time for me to move on.

  5. Only rule I ever learned was: Leaves of three, let it be. Leaves of four, eat some more!

  6. Oh, that was me not speaking correctly. Absolutely, unless you’re really into the dom/sub thing, it’s not a “let” issue. It’s how much you’ll put up with before getting upset, complaining, and eventually ending a relationship.

  7. That’s kind of the issue — what do you consider flirting and what do you consider over the line? I think people may have different definitions for flirting from being single and being in a relationship…

    Even “having fun” implies a sort of slippery set of ethics. Is bouncing your breasts up and down acceptable (for a girl)? Getting super drunk at a bar? How about leading someone on, letting them think you’re single, when you aren’t?

    The intentions can be innocent, but I think an “innocent fuck” is over the line, or an “innocent french kiss with lots of tongue” is too. :)

  8. I don’t know. I think it starts getting over the line the moment you decide to flirt with someone. Ie. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend kissing someone (more than in a friendly way).

  9. N. and I have had this talk a few times, and its kinda comes to the mental state. On our end it would never go past platonic kissing with someone else (if even that much) and even then, it really depends on the situation and person(s).

    The only time its ever gone over the line with us I didn’t even realize till she told me. Another person was flirting with her covertly. She felt really bad but didn’t know how to tell him to stop (I was across the table and missed it since it was under the table). It was nothing horribly serious, but she felt guilty and I got annoyed at him since he chose to hide it from me. Thats were I draw the line, if its something you hide, then its past the line

  10. I think when you are in a relationship with someone for a very long time, flirting with others is not a big deal. Big T and I don’t really care if the other flirts. However, my definition of flirting is probably more conservative than most. Teasing, innocent physical contact (nothing sexual, no kissing)…

  11. If you hide it, doesn’t that mean you realize you’re doing something wrong, and that you have to hide it from someone? Totally in agreement here.

  12. Interesting how about half the people I spoke to are ok with kissing as being part of flirting, and the other half isn’t.

    Yeah, I would imagine the longer you’ve been with someone, the more you trust them, and so on. Unless things get rough and rocky, in which case, the flirting might trigger feelings of insecurity, no?

  13. I think time in the relationship probably has a lot to do with it. I seem to recall we were both much more jealous if the other paid attention more to others of the opposite sex. Now I think it takes a lot for either of us to even raise an eyebrow.

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